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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25635106">Before You Go</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heres_a_gay_theres_a_gay/pseuds/Heres_a_gay_theres_a_gay'>Heres_a_gay_theres_a_gay</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Songs of Raylla [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Motherland: Fort Salem (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, F/F, Goodbyes, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Kinda, Minor Talky Craven, Not A Happy Ending, Song fic, mostly just hurt</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 10:48:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,537</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25635106</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heres_a_gay_theres_a_gay/pseuds/Heres_a_gay_theres_a_gay</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>She hadn’t meant to - really, she had planned to do as Anicostia said and run - but she found herself standing outside Raelle’s dorm.<br/>(I know the timeline doesn’t line up - Raelle was on the plane by the time Scylla was out - but we’re gonna say it does)<br/>Song: Before You Go, Lewis Capaldi</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Raelle Collar/Scylla Ramshorn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Songs of Raylla [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1858285</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>33</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Before You Go</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hope your eyes don’t bleed<br/>Song: Before You Go, Lewis Capaldi</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>She hadn’t meant to - really, she had planned to do as Anicostia said and run - but she found herself standing outside Raelle’s dorm. She knocked on the door, hearing a voice that made her knees buckle call “left it unlocked!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Scylla knew Raelle didn’t think it was her, but she still creaked open the door and poked her head around to find an angry blonde stuffing a worn duffle bag. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Done with your goodbyes, Tal?” she asked, not looking up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not Tally,” Scylla said softly. The way Raelle’s back stiffened made her heart clench.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I told Anicostia to make sure they go easy on you,” Raelle spoke with fake ease that Syclla saw straight through as she turned to face the brunette who she once would’ve given anything to see again. “I didn’t mean this easy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Scylla knew there were things she wanted to say, but her mind was caught on the first part of Raelle’s statement. “You… told her to go easy on me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Raelle scoffed. “Don’t need to fake surprise, Scyl. You did a good job hooking your mark.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Scylla’s shoulders slumped. Was that really all Raelle thought they had been? An agent telling their target whatever it took?“Raelle, it wasn’t-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like that,” Raelle finished, looking at Scylla with something she was starting to doubt she would ever see in those blue eyes again - understanding. “I know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Scylla’s eyes widened as a flash of hope crossed her features. “You… don’t hate me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Raelle went back to her duffel bag, shoving a few more items in it to avoid meeting Scylla’s eyes. “No, I don’t. I never did. My ma always said you can’t really hate someone you love.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Scylla’s heart soared with hope - Raelle had just said she loved her, hadn’t she? “Are- does that mean- do you...” She needed confirmation, not wanting to get her hopes up just for them to be shattered again, but she couldn’t get the words out because she </span>
  <em>
    <span>always </span>
  </em>
  <span>had high hopes with Raelle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I fell by the wayside, like everyone else,” Raelle spoke, saving Scylla from her stammering. She threw one last shirt into her bag, zipping it and turning to face the girl who was still only half way in her room. “I hate you, I hate you, I hate you… but I was just kidding myself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Scylla flinched with each ‘I hate you’, shrinking further into herself. The end of the statement didn’t ease her now small posture, or the cringe on her features.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Our every moment, I tried to replace,” Raelle continued, not sure if she wanted the pain in Scylla’s face to stay there or not. “And now that they’re all gone… I can say what I needed to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This caught Scylla’s attention - the part of her that had been curling inward, bracing for a final rejection and licking the wounds Raelle had already landed, was suddenly standing sharp, every tiny piece of her ready to hear what Raelle needed her to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When you hurt under the surface,” Raelle started hesitantly, taking slow and cautious steps towards Scylla with searching eyes, “like troubled water running cold… that was because of your mission, wasn’t it? Every time we would be lying in bed and you would suddenly go stiff, or when you would doge my hello kisses… you were conflicted about your mission, weren’t you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Scylla could only nod. She had known Raelle had to’ve picked up on these movements, and they had to hurt when she did notice them. Never in her wildest dreams did she think she would get earnest blue eyes staring into her soul from a foot away and saying they </span>
  <em>
    <span>understood</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well. Time can heal.” Raelle paused, giving Scylla a look coded with far too many emotions for her to understand. “But this won’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Scylla felt the words like an ice dagger to her chest. The deep, piercing cold spread from her heart out, quickly becoming all she could feel. “Raelle, please-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not because I don’t want it to,” Raelle was quick to add before Scylla could make her plea. “Because against every piece of logic in me, I do. I really really do, Scyl. But I got early deployment. I have to be on a plane to China in like five minutes. We don’t have the time to heal this one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The way Raelle shrank into herself, looking more defeated than Scylla had ever seen her, made the dagger in her chest twist. Everything about the body language of the witch in front of her was all too familiar - Scylla would have to fight it every time Raelle didn’t do well in training and would come to her room with her mind tearing her apart piece by piece until she truly believed she was worthless. Scylla wanted to comfort her, reach across the foot of space left between them and hug her and carefully hand back each piece of self worth her mind was taking from her right now. But Raelle had left a foot between them, and she would respect that space.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Scylla’s voice broke over the word, and she cleared her throat before continuing. “So, before you go… was there something I could’ve said?” At Raelle’s confused look, Scylla elaborated. “To make your heart beat better? Goddess that sounds cheesy. What I did to you. Was there something I could’ve said to make it all stop hurting?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Raelle tilted her head, a sad smile full of broken love and once upon a times playing at her lips. “No, Scyl. There was never… never the right time. Once I loved you, it was too late for me not to feel betrayed. Before, I wouldn’t’ve fallen for you. You might’ve managed to recruit me, but… there was this strong pull I felt towards you, that first day we met. If you had told me too soon, that feeling would’ve gone little by little by little until there was nothing at all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Scylla shook her head, eyes full of horror at the thought. “I’d rather be dead.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Raelle gave a small laugh lined with regret and bitterness. “I’m not worth that much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Scylla couldn’t stop herself from taking a broad step towards Raelle, the first move she had made since entering the room. They were now maybe six inches apart, and Scylla’s skin was burning with the proximity.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It kills me, you know.” Scylla’s voice was low, soft, and smooth. It was everything Raelle had ever wanted from her and then some, and Scylla knew it was the best tone to use to get the blonde back on her feet. “How your mind can make you feel so… worthless. But I need you to hear me on this one, Raelle Collar.” She ducked to catch Raelle’s eyes, ensuring every ounce of attention she had was on her. “I would die a million deaths for even a second of your love.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That seemed to break whatever fragile walls Raelle was holding up around herself, tears silently escaping glassy eyes as they darted between Scylla’s. She raised a hand to Scylla’s face, surprised to find half-dried tears there. Raelle whipped them away gently, watching the way the brunette leaned into the touch, before speaking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If only I’d known… if I’d known you had a storm to weather, at least to this level…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Scylla shook her head firmly, raising her own hand to rest atop Raelle’s. “No. None of this is your fault, Raelle. None.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Raelle, we gotta board- Oh.” Tally stood in the doorway, glancing between Raelle and the witch she was pretty sure was either dead or in prison but definitely a Spree who had hurt her friend- no, scratch that, hurt her sister beyond measure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Raelle locked eyes with Tally, silently begging her to understand and just wait in the hallway for one more second. She got the message, and after only a brief flash of hesitation stepped back into the hall to give them some illusion of privacy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Raelle gave Scylla an apologetic look, wishing they had more time than they did. “I’m sorry, I have to…”</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“No, no it’s okay, I understand.” Scylla leaned her head slightly further into Raelle’s palm, closing her eyes for a brief moment as if collecting herself before they opened filled with a soft determination. “Just… before you go…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Raelle let her hand fall, entangling it with Scylla’s on the way down and giving the other witch’s hand a reassuring squeeze. “You can always ask anything of me, Scyl.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Scylla’s eyes were still hesitant, but she took a deep breath and nodded. “Would we be better off? If I’d have let my walls come down, I mean.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Raelle thought for a moment, eyes dropping to their clasped hands. “Maybe,” she finally said with a shrug. “I guess we’ll never know, ya’ know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With that, she eased her hand out of Scylla’s and stepped past her to follow Tally down the hall and out of sight. Scylla watched her go, thinking of so many things she wished she had the time to say or do. Once the pair was around the corner and out of sight, Scylla pulled out the lighter Anacostia had given her and slipped off in the opposite direction.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>And I finally got around to writing something for these ladies! I’ve got 2 song fics under songs of the Bellweather unit, &amp; one of em is also Raylla angst if you wanna read that. Also if anyone can teach me how to put a work in multiple series I would really appreciate it...<br/>As always feel free to leave songs or prompts!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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